Yeah, ok... I had to look up what a currawong was. Glad to learn something new.
I like this. I only wonder if the word "unnatural" isn't "telling" rather than "showing"? I wonder if there isn't an imagistic way to express the same idea? What I imagine is a foreboding sky. Rather than the sky, the water brings to shore the drowned bird. The tide carries it in, hinting at death.
My thoughts go along with Patrick's. On the other hand I see the first line as a very poetic verse in the western style: a reflection, a pardox. Of course this is not really going by the books: but how to succeed by not touching the borders? Anyway I like this might-be-a-haiku-but-it-is-a-very-poetic-thing-verse.
(If I had written it, the first line was in italics or in quotation marks. I am a chicken, right ;-)?
Good one, I'm always partial to a bit of reflection. I like the fact that some birds might genuinely float / swim on the water, but some only through this inversion.
Yeah, ok... I had to look up what a currawong was. Glad to learn something new.
ReplyDeleteI like this. I only wonder if the word "unnatural" isn't "telling" rather than "showing"? I wonder if there isn't an imagistic way to express the same idea? What I imagine is a foreboding sky. Rather than the sky, the water brings to shore the drowned bird. The tide carries it in, hinting at death.
I wonder what you've been reading...
Its a dramatic one, Dalloway...and I wonder why you choose not to put the words in the picture, it could have made a great composition,
ReplyDeletewhat the tide brings in often is taken back...and to and fro -- back and forth, it moves with the waves,
wishes,
devika
okay, Dalloway...But,i would love to see that once your computer works :)
ReplyDeletedevika
Hey Devika, I would love to turn this into a haiga but my computer is getting fixed!
ReplyDeleteMy thoughts go along with Patrick's. On the other hand I see the first line as a very poetic verse in the western style: a reflection, a pardox. Of course this is not really going by the books: but how to succeed by not touching the borders? Anyway I like this might-be-a-haiku-but-it-is-a-very-poetic-thing-verse.
ReplyDelete(If I had written it, the first line was in italics or in quotation marks. I am a chicken, right ;-)?
Best wishes
Ralf
thats very kind of you Ralf. I had wondered whether it was too obscure
ReplyDeleteWhat a lovely, lovely photo....
ReplyDeletethe currawong -
ReplyDeletereturning in the tide's watery
sky
I've couldn't stop thinking about it...
an excellent piece of collaboration across the Pacific!!!! I like it
ReplyDeleteI definitely appreciate this haiga, Dalloway :)
ReplyDeletethe picture has a true haunting feel,
wishes,
devika
thanks Devika
ReplyDeleteyep, like it better now. sometimes revisions are needed after tings have percalated through for several days, aren't they?
ReplyDeleteabsolutley
ReplyDeleteGood one, I'm always partial to a bit of reflection. I like the fact that some birds might genuinely float / swim on the water, but some only through this inversion.
ReplyDeleteThe new picture is interesting. I can't decide whether it looks more menacing - reminds me of a negative.
ReplyDelete