I think most experienced writers of haiku probably wouldn't consider this a haiku. (I've been reading Gurga's book, which is good. You might like it - probably the most succinct book out there.)
It's a short lyric - sort of. But I miss that feeling of emotional and poetic insight I get from many of your other haiku...
The idea of feeling the past by listening to something which is now and gone in a second touches me. These ever-been-heres like tree fern or ginko show gently how windy man is. No haiku? Just a very shot poem? Well, it shows loneliness, has got a kigo, is not abstract, but shows a realistic moment, it says more then the words tell, two pictures meet each other, simple and poetic diction, has got an implying sound (hope the expression is correct). Might be that "old" is a bit too much like a comment, but why not accepting this as the view of an lyrical I?
I like it a lot. To me this one is very close to a classical one.
It's abstract in the sense that the poem uses an anthropomorphism. As far as I know, this was exceedingly rare (if not altogether absent) in classical haiku - but much more common, perhaps, in modern haiku.
//two pictures meet each other//
I only see one picture - the tree fern. I wouldn't consider "an old wind laughs" a second picture - rather, it's a variety of ontological metaphor - in an of itself a rarity in classical haiku (no that this is a flaw).
Here's a haiku by Basho that comes closest, perhaps, to what Emma wrote:
The warbler sings among new shoots of bamboo of coming old age
Basho flirts with anthropomorphism, but the contrasting ideas are of the warbler singing of "old age" among "new shoots". That is, Autumn is already felt among the new shoots of spring. Even in birth, the presence of death is felt. The contrast in this case isn't between to images, but two ideas.
cheers devika (always first in!) and lorraine (always so incredibly positive!!)
and ralf, thanks for your detailed comments - Im always touched that people like yourself want to spend the time commenting on my page...
and welcome back patrick... :) :) :)
Ive mentioned earlier that I think kids are like little Buddhists... I was watching the wind through the tree ferns with my son yesterday... out of nowhere he piped up that old wind was laughing... haiku or no haiku, perhaps patrick, you can just consider it an ode to my 4 year old's brilliant imagination
//you can just consider it an ode to my 4 year old's brilliant imagination//
Now that's a wonderful story! I wonder if you could have put your son into your haiku? Issa wrote many haiku about his daughter (and children in particular).
my son, hearing old laughter - wind in the tree fern
Thanks for your constructive reaction, Patrick. And of course, Dalloway, I am just happy that the lyrical I has got a name :-) Anyway: I agree with Patrick - make your son to be a part of the verse. Perhaps:
Love it the way it is. Both the image and the wind ripples. Good to see you going beyond the restrictions of haiku. You've let the words flow like the wind in the ferns and the way it feels.
patrick, ralf - what a wonderful idea... I love it! Might have a go rejigging this one when I get my computer back from the techies (third time in, poor baby)...
wish you werent right quite so often patrick ;)
thanks Harps - oh mighty fan of the microlit - will email soon about my creative conundrum
I heard and I thought it was the tree's laughter!
ReplyDeleteanyway, nice work Dalloway :)
quite refreshing picture,
wishes,
devika
I wish we had tree ferns in Vermont... sigh.
ReplyDeleteI think most experienced writers of haiku probably wouldn't consider this a haiku. (I've been reading Gurga's book, which is good. You might like it - probably the most succinct book out there.)
It's a short lyric - sort of. But I miss that feeling of emotional and poetic insight I get from many of your other haiku...
Is must be spring there?
I like the concept of an old wind; i think it is smart and self content. Well-put!
ReplyDeleteBy the way, Alegria has written a beautiful sequence over at Jornales. Just noticed it...
ReplyDeletehttp://jornales.wordpress.com/
Oh I love this symphony, beautiful composition dear Emma :)
ReplyDeleteThe idea of feeling the past by listening to something which is now and gone in a second touches me. These ever-been-heres like tree fern or ginko show gently how windy man is. No haiku? Just a very shot poem? Well, it shows loneliness, has got a kigo, is not abstract, but shows a realistic moment, it says more then the words tell, two pictures meet each other, simple and poetic diction, has got an implying sound (hope the expression is correct). Might be that "old" is a bit too much like a comment, but why not accepting this as the view of an lyrical I?
ReplyDeleteI like it a lot. To me this one is very close to a classical one.
Best wishes
Ralf
//is not abstract//
ReplyDeleteIt's abstract in the sense that the poem uses an anthropomorphism. As far as I know, this was exceedingly rare (if not altogether absent) in classical haiku - but much more common, perhaps, in modern haiku.
//two pictures meet each other//
I only see one picture - the tree fern. I wouldn't consider "an old wind laughs" a second picture - rather, it's a variety of ontological metaphor - in an of itself a rarity in classical haiku (no that this is a flaw).
Here's a haiku by Basho that comes closest, perhaps, to what Emma wrote:
The warbler sings
among new shoots of bamboo
of coming old age
Basho flirts with anthropomorphism, but the contrasting ideas are of the warbler singing of "old age" among "new shoots". That is, Autumn is already felt among the new shoots of spring. Even in birth, the presence of death is felt. The contrast in this case isn't between to images, but two ideas.
cheers devika (always first in!) and lorraine (always so incredibly positive!!)
ReplyDeleteand ralf, thanks for your detailed comments - Im always touched that people like yourself want to spend the time commenting on my page...
and welcome back patrick... :) :) :)
Ive mentioned earlier that I think kids are like little Buddhists... I was watching the wind through the tree ferns with my son yesterday... out of nowhere he piped up that old wind was laughing... haiku or no haiku, perhaps patrick, you can just consider it an ode to my 4 year old's brilliant imagination
//you can just consider it an ode to my 4 year old's brilliant imagination//
ReplyDeleteNow that's a wonderful story! I wonder if you could have put your son into your haiku? Issa wrote many haiku about his daughter (and children in particular).
my son,
hearing old laughter - wind
in the tree fern
...or something like that?
Thanks for your constructive reaction, Patrick. And of course, Dalloway, I am just happy that the lyrical I has got a name :-) Anyway: I agree with Patrick - make your son to be a part of the verse. Perhaps:
ReplyDeleteamongst the tree ferns --
old wind,
my son says
Best wishes
Ralf
Love it the way it is. Both the image and the wind ripples. Good to see you going beyond the restrictions of haiku. You've let the words flow like the wind in the ferns and the way it feels.
ReplyDeletePerfect.
patrick, ralf - what a wonderful idea... I love it! Might have a go rejigging this one when I get my computer back from the techies (third time in, poor baby)...
ReplyDeletewish you werent right quite so often patrick ;)
thanks Harps - oh mighty fan of the microlit - will email soon about my creative conundrum
Lovely idea, an old wind, I can't help but wonder if a wind gets old from travelling a long way or a long time.
ReplyDeleteI just stumbled here from zen speug and am delighted with what I'm seeing. Will be back for more:-)
ReplyDelete