Beautiful haiga, Dalloway :)the haiku seemed a bit surreal and the picture so ordinary a life scene :)wishes, devika
Oh Emma, lucky you, you understand the language of the ocean, i wish I did ;)
Thanks for this haiga, Emma. I haven't been near an ocean for a while. Just lakes and lakes and lakes...Best,Carlos
Colours in the photo and words just magical...
I like it, could feel a breeze blowing in my face.
A few of things spin me out -1.An experiment with perspective? Or are the people from different shots? Maybe the surfer's just tiny. So small he doesn't appear to have a shadow!2. Where's the butterfly? Not sure if image fits words.3. I'm often really brief on the words, so maybe just me, but I'd left off the last line. Could just be a comrade harps minimalistic and phrasing thing, though.4. Maybe if peopled with bride in white? Only one butterfly then, unless more than one recently married woman.5. The last line - the v of wave almost looks like a y. Kind of almost links up with your signiture.All a tad surreal, but honey soaked in a faux reality.You'll take me off your blog links now.
Thanks all for your comments... much appreciatedlove a good lake too Carlos (nice seeing you here btw!)ah... too much coffee this morning hey harps? no, the surfer wasnt an add in, its the actual shot
"Errant" is a good word in this context. Your way to haiga emotions makes me feel ... shows me a road to myself.Best wishesRalf
Coffee? Never! I don't need the encouragement.Shadowless surfers? The skeptic in me is enquiring.Still lost with this, though. My prob.
... side comment to Ralf - there's verse in your comment that needs to be written!interesting set, Emma!
Emma, I've missed some here... I truely like the -midden-, and though I've never tried a surf board, here I can sense the excitment, and the butterflies in the salty air. Very good set! _m
This is wonderful. I love the word 'errant'. Beautifully done. :)Kristin
thanks very much Ralf and Magyar and welcome Kristin!
There are many beautiful things about this, the sentiment is playful and the feeling is warm and summery.But I too have qualms about the last line. I think the problem (if you can call it that) is that "heavy with ocean spray" already says it all.So that when you write "an errant wave", the joke has already been told. It feels as though you're repeating the punch line.I wonder if there isn't an opportunity being missed? Which is the butterfly? An errant wisp of spray or the butterfly? Sorry I've been away. August has turned into a real vacation for me... : )
well at least you didnt comment on the missing shadow... (its covered by the sand in the foreground)now that this one's a bit old I'll confess Im not that thrilled by the last line either... all these go up as drafts, I fix them and then I plan to send them into Simply Haiku... the comments are incredibly useful to see what works... I have 9 pics coming out in Novembers issue btw (along with a cheesy B&W photo of me & bio - yeesh).hope you had a lovely vacation, and glad to see youre back and as firey as ever... you keep me honest
//I have 9 pics coming out in Novembers issue btw (along with a cheesy B&W photo of me & bio - yeesh).//Will you still talk to us once your famous?I can't wait to name drop.
that wouldnt be a touch of sarcasm I hear there, now would it Patrick?
NO, honest. There wasn't a shred of sarcasm. That was all friendly elbows. Congratulations!
Thanks for taking the time to write something.