I had to look for briny. And this showed me how wodnerful life gets along with these billions of challenges every second. Your haiga is very vivid in its simplicity. I like it a lot.
Hi Emma! Amazingly original, as always. I think I know the effect you're looking for, but one has to sort of read the words, then think about it "out of focus". Most seas, by definition, are briny, so the word "briny" seems a little "cutesy"? - in a nursery rhyme sort of way? And the shadow isn't really slipping "beneath" the briny sea because then, you know, it would be *under* - like beneath the sea floor (which is part of the sea). But, I think, what you really mean is that the shadow slips along the floor of the sea (not beneath it). Also (and now I'm really going to hate myself), it feels less like a haiku than playful imagery?
Having said all that, I still admire your efforts and find them more original than my own.
Its a little unseemly to defend my own work but I think we approach this one from very different angles, and, well, I dont get to talk on the finer points of haiku with any folk around here in Sydney.
Yes, the sea is briny, but in using the word Im inviting you, the reader, to be in the water with me - feeling its coolness, tasting it - and only then do I add the jellyfish.
The shadow, being infinitely thin, is the only object I can imagine that can perfectly slip between the sea and the sea bed ... particularly the shadow of the diaphanous jellyfish... I saw this one as a question and answer style ku, rather than just an image (although it can happily be taken that way)
The cutesy, playful imagery? The words DO sound nice together, I was aware of that. Good haiku steers clear of artiface but theres scope to sound beautiful, particularly when it reflects the subject matter, surely?
I was listening to a talk by Norman Doige on neuroplasticity the other day. He mentioned peole who had damage to the portion of the frontal lobe that regulates behaviour by self checking or self censoring thoughts. Soon after the damage had occurred they had become what we would normally refer to as 'gifted' artists, painting like Leonardo Da Vinci etc. The point being, that level of talent is in all of us, we just have learn how to turn the self checking mechanism off at just the right moments. The key to originality too, I suspect.
Magic below the surface,how wonderful of you. I love this Emma :)
ReplyDeleteA little too dazzling for my eyes, Dalloway :)
ReplyDeletenice work,
wishes,
devika
___Camouflage... Emma, a fine photo and verse... hidden thought!
ReplyDelete___At our pond, from time to time, we see freshwater 'jellyfish.' _m
Good stuff Emma, matt
ReplyDeletebeautiful
ReplyDeletewonderful set emma
ReplyDeletemany thanks... hope youre all bearing up under your respective almost winters...
ReplyDeleteI had to look for briny. And this showed me how wodnerful life gets along with these billions of challenges every second. Your haiga is very vivid in its simplicity. I like it a lot.
ReplyDeleteBest wishes
Ralf
I am bedazzled!
ReplyDeletevery nice!
ReplyDeletea visit to your blog is for me always a delight
ReplyDeletemuch love
gillena
"jellyfish shadows" brings us into a dream world.
ReplyDeletebeautiful pix and ku. I love it.
ReplyDeleteHi Emma! Amazingly original, as always. I think I know the effect you're looking for, but one has to sort of read the words, then think about it "out of focus". Most seas, by definition, are briny, so the word "briny" seems a little "cutesy"? - in a nursery rhyme sort of way? And the shadow isn't really slipping "beneath" the briny sea because then, you know, it would be *under* - like beneath the sea floor (which is part of the sea). But, I think, what you really mean is that the shadow slips along the floor of the sea (not beneath it). Also (and now I'm really going to hate myself), it feels less like a haiku than playful imagery?
ReplyDeleteHaving said all that, I still admire your efforts and find them more original than my own.
Hi Patrick
ReplyDeleteIts a little unseemly to defend my own work but I think we approach this one from very different angles, and, well, I dont get to talk on the finer points of haiku with any folk around here in Sydney.
Yes, the sea is briny, but in using the word Im inviting you, the reader, to be in the water with me - feeling its coolness, tasting it - and only then do I add the jellyfish.
The shadow, being infinitely thin, is the only object I can imagine that can perfectly slip between the sea and the sea bed ... particularly the shadow of the diaphanous jellyfish... I saw this one as a question and answer style ku, rather than just an image (although it can happily be taken that way)
The cutesy, playful imagery? The words DO sound nice together, I was aware of that. Good haiku steers clear of artiface but theres scope to sound beautiful, particularly when it reflects the subject matter, surely?
I was listening to a talk by Norman Doige on neuroplasticity the other day. He mentioned peole who had damage to the portion of the frontal lobe that regulates behaviour by self checking or self censoring thoughts. Soon after the damage had occurred they had become what we would normally refer to as 'gifted' artists, painting like Leonardo Da Vinci etc. The point being, that level of talent is in all of us, we just have learn how to turn the self checking mechanism off at just the right moments. The key to originality too, I suspect.
//Its a little unseemly to defend my own work//
ReplyDeleteNo it's not. It's a pleasure to hear your thoughts. As to damaging the frontal lobe, I *do* appreciate the offer. Really. You are very generous. ;-)
(Dalloway falls backwards off her chair laughing)
ReplyDelete