Sunday, March 22, 2009

14 comments:

  1. good one - i can feel the moth's struggle.
    and i have felt like that myself on occasion...

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  2. _Probably without the idea of time or life, the moth struggles to keep that which... it does not concieve.
    >Or does it!?<
    _That is the question... I see here as presented by your good haiku, Dalloway. _m

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  3. Hmmmm...

    To me, there's something missing. I find myself searching for that subtle linkage that is at the soul of haiku.

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  4. Thanks Polona and Magyar for understanding what I was trying to get at.

    Hmmm Patrick. I think you might be right. Ive been thinking about it all day. Finally, 11pm, and I think Ive come up with a better 3rd line. Thanks for keeping me on my toes.

    Thanks Bill for dropping by.

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  5. Nice photo Dalloway & and the new 3rd line is perfect...

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  6. i like it, the repetition in Line One does invokes, so much, empathy for the moths struggle

    much love
    gillena

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  7. The moth struggles unto death
    Good haiku and a nice photo to go with, Dalloway :)

    wishes,
    devika

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  8. I especially loved the last night...when seen with the photo, Dalloway

    devika

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  9. oh the last line, i meant! :)

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  10. beautiful-
    had to remind myself that you're going into fall there. reminds me of a tanka from my book. if I ever find it, I'll show you. :)

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  11. thank you all.

    Devika - a special thanks to you. I think you have helped me get over 10 comments for the first time!

    John, Im sure you have a copy hidden somewhere. Id be keen to hear it.

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  12. Dalloway,

    This moves me much more than your first version. Such a small change - but the depth it adds...

    :-)

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  13. i liked the first version but with the change you made it really shines.

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Thanks for taking the time to write something.