good one - i can feel the moth's struggle.and i have felt like that myself on occasion...
_Probably without the idea of time or life, the moth struggles to keep that which... it does not concieve. >Or does it!?<_That is the question... I see here as presented by your good haiku, Dalloway. _m
Hmmmm...To me, there's something missing. I find myself searching for that subtle linkage that is at the soul of haiku.
Thanks Polona and Magyar for understanding what I was trying to get at.Hmmm Patrick. I think you might be right. Ive been thinking about it all day. Finally, 11pm, and I think Ive come up with a better 3rd line. Thanks for keeping me on my toes.Thanks Bill for dropping by.
Nice photo Dalloway & and the new 3rd line is perfect...
i like it, the repetition in Line One does invokes, so much, empathy for the moths strugglemuch lovegillena
The moth struggles unto deathGood haiku and a nice photo to go with, Dalloway :)wishes, devika
I especially loved the last night...when seen with the photo, Dallowaydevika
oh the last line, i meant! :)
beautiful-had to remind myself that you're going into fall there. reminds me of a tanka from my book. if I ever find it, I'll show you. :)
thank you all.Devika - a special thanks to you. I think you have helped me get over 10 comments for the first time!John, Im sure you have a copy hidden somewhere. Id be keen to hear it.
Dalloway,This moves me much more than your first version. Such a small change - but the depth it adds...:-)
i liked the first version but with the change you made it really shines.
Thanks for taking the time to write something.