_Probably without the idea of time or life, the moth struggles to keep that which... it does not concieve. >Or does it!?< _That is the question... I see here as presented by your good haiku, Dalloway. _m
Thanks Polona and Magyar for understanding what I was trying to get at.
Hmmm Patrick. I think you might be right. Ive been thinking about it all day. Finally, 11pm, and I think Ive come up with a better 3rd line. Thanks for keeping me on my toes.
good one - i can feel the moth's struggle.
ReplyDeleteand i have felt like that myself on occasion...
_Probably without the idea of time or life, the moth struggles to keep that which... it does not concieve.
ReplyDelete>Or does it!?<
_That is the question... I see here as presented by your good haiku, Dalloway. _m
Hmmmm...
ReplyDeleteTo me, there's something missing. I find myself searching for that subtle linkage that is at the soul of haiku.
Striking photo.
ReplyDeleteThanks Polona and Magyar for understanding what I was trying to get at.
ReplyDeleteHmmm Patrick. I think you might be right. Ive been thinking about it all day. Finally, 11pm, and I think Ive come up with a better 3rd line. Thanks for keeping me on my toes.
Thanks Bill for dropping by.
Nice photo Dalloway & and the new 3rd line is perfect...
ReplyDeletei like it, the repetition in Line One does invokes, so much, empathy for the moths struggle
ReplyDeletemuch love
gillena
The moth struggles unto death
ReplyDeleteGood haiku and a nice photo to go with, Dalloway :)
wishes,
devika
I especially loved the last night...when seen with the photo, Dalloway
ReplyDeletedevika
oh the last line, i meant! :)
ReplyDeletebeautiful-
ReplyDeletehad to remind myself that you're going into fall there. reminds me of a tanka from my book. if I ever find it, I'll show you. :)
thank you all.
ReplyDeleteDevika - a special thanks to you. I think you have helped me get over 10 comments for the first time!
John, Im sure you have a copy hidden somewhere. Id be keen to hear it.
Dalloway,
ReplyDeleteThis moves me much more than your first version. Such a small change - but the depth it adds...
:-)
i liked the first version but with the change you made it really shines.
ReplyDelete