Hmmm....It's poetic, but the leap seems contrived in this version?To judge by the commentary at other Haiku blogs, you would think that every haiku was a stroke of genius. Readers cluck *swooningly* after each and every post. I try to write down my first impression. Polona hasn't approved of every Haiku I've written (I can tell) and I value those comments as much as the appreciative ones.I've changed some in response.So... all this is my way of saying. Please take or leave my commentary as suits you. We each have our own aesthetics. For myself, I much prefer genuine conversation. It's the effort I enjoy, not perfection.
P.S. You're new banner is kinda' cool - but what you've done to that poor flower! :-)
yeah, I might have to disagree with you on this one. listening to him sing, I found myself thinking - for whatever reason - that one day he would be an old man, but for that moment I just wanted him to stay young. so its about knowing time rolls on, but just not here for this moment.Ive noticed the clucking and frankly I find it quite disturbing. you can visit my blog anytime, upinVermont.and the look of this blog is a work in progress. dont think ive finished with it yet.
time passes independent of what we feel or want... birth and death, growth and decay go hand in hand... or that's what i can see in your haiku
Thanks for taking the time to write something.